CAT ANUS

Yes, I know what my name sounds like.

1. At an early age, you start hating yourself. Often it’s because you were abused, or just grew up in a broken home, or were rejected socially, or maybe you were just weird or fat or … whatever. You’re not like the other kids, the other kids don’t seem to like you, and you can usually detect that by age 5 or so.

2. At some point, usually at a very young age, you did something that got a laugh from the room. You made a joke or fell down or farted, and you realized for the first time that you could get a positive reaction that way. Not genuine love or affection, mind you, just a reaction — one that is a step up from hatred and a thousand steps up from invisibility. One you could control.

3. You soon learned that being funny builds a perfect, impenetrable wall around you — a buffer that keeps anyone from getting too close and realizing how much you suck. The more you hate yourself, the stronger you need to make the barrier and the further you have to push people away. In other words, the better you have to be at comedy.

4. In your formative years, you wind up creating a second, false you — a clown that can go out and represent you, outside the barrier. The clown is always joking, always “on,” always drawing all of the attention in order to prevent anyone from poking away at the barrier and finding the real person behind it. The clown is the life of the party, the classroom joker, the guy up on stage — as different from the “real” you as possible. Again, the goal is to create distance.

You do it because if people hate the clown, who cares? That’s not the real you. So you’re protected.

But the side effect is that if people love the clown … well, you know the truth. You know how different it’d be if they met the real you.

kendravsthevolcano:

dcaseyjones:

stylinfcuk:

laughing so hard because this is so accurate

Oh my god EVERY ONE OF THESE

Getting accused by your mother of selling drugs over the internet because you spend so much time on msn when really it’s because you live in the boonies and it’s the only thing you have to do in the world.

…oh wait, that was just me?

(Yes mom, I’m scanning the drugs and emailing them to people)

Add to this: Creating a passive-aggressive MSN status aimed at someone you were mad at.

slackmistress:

ambergoesclick:

ahab99:

I mean, the World Cup was great and all, but the best match in town this weekend has clearly been Paul F. Tompkins’ daylong interaction with a I assume troll, because otherwise UM! guy who is super upset that anyone might question the high art value of Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Troll or no, this is glorious.

OH MY GOD this is the GREATEST thing I have ever read.

This is everything.

Thank you, Paul F. Tompkins, for the greatest thing in the world.

(Source: twitter.com, via annetdonahue)

zdarsky:

So, I’d been trying since late October to get JIM DAVIS to do a cover for us. Sadly, it never happened as he said he didn’t feel like he was up to the task (also, I’m assuming, because it’s called “Sex Criminals”). So, instead, he sent me this in the mail.

Jim Davis sent me a drawing of Garfiled dressed as me.

Jim Davis.

I can die now I guess.

-Chip!

—-

(It’s made out to “Steve Murray” cause that’s my real name if you didn’t know. Taa daa.)

EDIT: Almost forgot to add his handwritten note!