PUNNY GIRL

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I read several dozen stories a year from miserable, lonely guys who insist that women won’t come near them despite the fact that they are just the nicest guys in the world.

..I’m asking what do you offer? Are you smart? Funny? Interesting? Talented? Ambitious? Creative? OK, now what do you do to demonstrate those attributes to the world? Don’t say that you’re a nice guy — that’s the bare minimum.

“Well, I’m not sexist or racist or greedy or shallow or abusive! Not like those other douchebags!”

I’m sorry, I know that this is hard to hear, but if all you can do is list a bunch of faults you don’t have, then back the fuck away..

..Don’t complain about how girls fall for jerks; they fall for those jerks because those jerks have other things they can offer. “But I’m a great listener!” Are you? Because you’re willing to sit quietly in exchange for the chance to be in the proximity of a pretty girl (and spend every second imagining how soft her skin must be)? Well guess what, there’s another guy in her life who also knows how to do that, and he can play the guitar. Saying that you’re a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn’t make you sick. You’re like a new movie whose title is This Movie Is in English, and its tagline is “The actors are clearly visible”.

David Wong, 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person (via creatingaquietmind)

(Source: ellielamothe, via annetdonahue)

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notthatindie:

I just realized that I had never actually seen this posted, so here you go: Extra Hot Great’s exhaustive list of alternative names for Benedict Cumberbatch.

Englebert Rabblecatch
Fingerslurp Needlethatch
Jinglebear Fumblerant
Eggybread Wonderlatch
Sainsbury’s Valuematch
Spongebob Squarepatch
Soothsayer Fortunebatch
Tinygarden Cucumberranch
Reginald Bumberflat
Buckingham Superslam
Edinburgh Slumberparty
Riverstyx Cobblebricks
Crannynook Muffinman
Escalator Roundabout
Manchester Dunderbreath
Loggerhead Chariotdash
Lickmstick Mumblecore
Turtleneck Dumbledore
Officepolicy Opendoor
Chrysanthemum Oprahsnatch
Cormorant Thundercrotch
Saskatchewan Pancakestack
Majorgeneral Flapjack
Griddlecake on Avon
Gaslight Thundercloud
Steampunk Motherhen
Debrickashaw Ferguson
Dancepocket Cabbagepatch
Cumberbund Manmoustache
Bumbershoot Pageantsash
Brer rabbit Briarpatch
Lichtenstein Hitlerstash
Watercloset Lifttorch
Chipbuttie Breadpudding
Bangers Kippermash
Handlebar Chimneysweep
Deepmoat Castlekeep
Cattleprod Rattlestick
Mortimer Candlesnatch
Ripperjack Slashattack
Collectible Bric-a-Brac
Sterling Halfpence
Biggles Vassalhomage
Hastings Stonyhenge
Caravan Bumpypatch
Letterbox Summerhouse
Litterbox Smellycat
Everett Poopershoot
BenandJerrys Downthehatch
Bandicoot Culdesac
Parlortrick Humblesnatch
Thistledick Pantywaist
Barefoot Candywitch
Bigfoot Clammersplat
Beefeater Doublegloucester
Benetton Puttershot
Cinnamon Toastencrunch
Cardamom Wintergarden
Tosspot Drinkleberry
Pippa Costermonger
Vindaloo Babysmack
Blossompop Gooberdrone
Malachai Hoppingtown
Levington Uterus
Kensington Markmywords
Easterly Heffalump
Cornwallis Poopiepants
Wainscotting Tinklebaron
Inkburger Trolleyfare
Ethelred Crumbpacker
Nostradripus Copperpot
Chesterfield Wingback
Cumberhump Balderdash
Baldrick Cunninplangus
Eggbert Bandersnatch
Merchant Ivorytusk
Trafalgar Walkercrisps
Templeton Facemanpeck
Applebees Happyhour
Burgertime Picklechef

PS, Extra Hot Great is my absolute favorite pop culture podcast and you need it in your life.

I’ve posted this before, but I don’t care: It’s hilarious every single time.